Locked in Denial, Unable to See Truth, Until ...

An attempt to build the walls of protection.

Trapped, I tell you. She is kept behind the walls of her own making. The pain of abuse embedded so deeply in her soul she cannot see or feel anything but the pictures struck onto the memory of her mind so literally that she is incapable of seeing anything else.

 

Why, we ask does a young child have to fall prey to the offender? Where, we ask is our protector? Innocense is ripped from the very soul of the child and remains a distance away as she dances through life trying every avenue to capture what was savagely torn from her. Her whole being becomes an attempt to capture and put back inside of her what was so violently stripped away.

 

The sad truth is that what was taken from her can never be returned. It can never be replaced. It is truly a part of her that will never return. How long will she continue pounding the nails into the boards blocking her life from reality.



Slowly removing the false protectors.

I spent this past weekend with this woman who is an alcoholic and has been in and out of jail for driving drunk, and has been in treatment more than once. This woman has reached out to Robin and I numerous times over the last year seeking help. What we continually shared with her is that nothing can change without God at the center of everything. My heart cries along with her as I have lived the same life and been a victim of abuse and am a recovering alcoholic and drug addict myself.

 

The pressure was put on her last weekend after reaching a point of such concern on our part that we were ready to intervene. Flying by the seat of our pants we confronted her in an attempt to share our love and concern and get her to a place of safety. Any attempt to reach out to someone in this situation is very precarious as the reactions and actions are totally unpredictable. The variables are numerous and complex.

 

 

We went in full of prayer and with our faith in Jesus Christ to reach this woman and finally put an end to decades of torment. Never being put into this type of a situation put me in a state of full faith and trust that we were being led by God. After about 20 minutes I text my husband to come, then her husband. There were now four of us attempting to reach this woman and get her where she could get some help. She is so filled with deceit and false beliefs that there was not a thread of consistency. Knowing we were at a standstill we pulled out the Ace and followed through with actions that would get the police involved.

After 3 hours she was on her way to detox in the back of a squad car with a 72 hour hold. She was released today. I wonder if she is beginning to see the light through the darkness.

As of this writing I do not know where she is or what will happen but I do know that God knows and I put my faith in that and will sit in prayer unless prompted by God to step further into the arena. I do see the light. I want my friend to see it also and to leave everything behind and run to the light.

I envision the woman who crawled through the crowds as Jesus was being led by a man requesting that He bring back to life his daughter that had died. As they were walking through the crowds the woman "came up behind him and touched the edge of his cloak. She said to herself, "If I only touch his cloak, I will be healed." Jesus turned and saw her. "Take heart, daughter," he said, "your faith has healed you." And the woman was healed from that moment." Matthew 9: 20-22

I believe in you, my friend. I will be there for you. I will pray with you. But I cannot fix you. You have to decide that you will finally let it all go and walk to the light. Freedom is waiting.

 Set me free from my prison, that I may praise your name.

(Psalm 142:7)

Precious Time

The days have seem to fly by without a chance for me to embrace a quality of life that resembles anything of where I was 6 months ago. It frustrates me at times, but I know it is for a season and soon I will have to let this event pass. Things will go back to 'normal' (we all know that term is relevant) so maybe a better choice of words would be back to the way things were. I wonder actually if the time I am spending now doing something that I would consider as close to taking a college course and an internship at the same time is really much different.

On a side note, right now my dog, Gracie, a beautiful black lab seems to think that her resting place for her head is across my left hand so I am struggling to type. Heaven forbid I move her she may then attempt a more appealing spot which would be in my lap, thus creating a complete loss of the ability to type. Grace is beginning to snore so I guess I just keep typing, the movement of my left hand is probably creating the same effect as if I was rocking her. Good grief. Do I need to also sing a lullaby?

So I know some things have to change as my self care has deteriorated and of course it is I who is suffering the consequences which in turn is lowering my self-esteem in that I had been working so hard at weight loss and exercise. As an addict reaches for the bottle, I have reached to food.

Tonight though I have a plan, a plan to stop fighting and start utilizing my precious time. My days are numbered by the Lord and I pray that I stop fighting the stress in my life which in turn is killing me and embrace my God given ability to live each day to the fullest. To remember that my God is in control and that through God all things are possible. I will find my rest in God alone.

I will take this precious time to use the ministry that God has given me and believe that everything else will fall into place. There are some in my life that are upset or concerned about me because of the energy I am putting into this change, but is some of that selfishness on their part? Are they missing something that I used to provide for them? If so, I wish they could see that maybe I could use some help now instead of saying things that I take as an admonishment. I don't know the answer to that for some that have expressed concern. For my husband, yes, he is affected but he has also taken on this situation and it is changing his life. We are not together as much as husband and wife, we are working on that as some respite is due very soon. But he knows we are doing what God has called us to do.

In my title, Precious Time, I can only say that my grandson Austin living with us for this season is that precious time. I will never get it back.