Sunday Evenings

I covet my Sunday evenings as a time to spend in relaxation after the weekend and in preparation for the work week to come. It use to be a time to lay around and watch a movie or read a book, but over the last year my life has changed so much; I seem to sometimes feel a bit awkward as I do tonight. However I am coming off of a week of school that was very strenuous and exhausting. Basically, I spent the whole weekend resting to catch up.

Guess what my original plan was? I was going to dig into those three 3-ring binders I brought home from school and summarize what I had learned so I would be ready to dive right in on Monday morning and turn my office into a working machine; with a super-power gained from one week of school. Well, that thought lasted until I woke up Saturday morning, dragging myself out of bed with my eyes half open and my feet shuffling to the bathroom; feeling like I had been hit by a truck. And guess what? The books are sitting in the same spot as I left them when I unpacked on Friday.

Good intentions, sometimes are just that - intentions. A grand desire to accomplish a great task. Do I feel bad about it? No, not really. I would love to have been a bit more organized when I get back to work tomorrow, but hey - I don't think that is ever a reality in my world. The dichotomy in that is that I am a perfectionist, but yet appear to be completely disorganized until the final product it completed. At that point, I reveal a masterpiece.

I did spend most of the afternoon organizing paperwork from Austin's school information and IEP and evaluations from last year. I wanted it in chronological and labeled order (perfectionism). As I was looking through a few things, the pangs of missing him hit my heart, but I continually have to give it to God. I, myself, can not carry the burden. Talia has revealed that he is having some difficulty and I want to jump in with both feet and take over control, but I know I can't. In fact I did take things too far by asking some questions and I have to let her come to me. Oh.....awk! There is so much she doesn't know and I don't know how to handle it. Please God, lead me and give me wisdom.

As I sit here tonight with an uneasy feeling I am confused and anxious but not sure why. I was gone all last week and now Gerald is leaving tomorrow morning for a 4 days of fishing. I pray that I will be open to everything God has for me over this next week. I surrender all.