Atypical behavior one might say but for me it is only another change. A swing from one end of the spectrum to the other rarely able to take a respite in the middle where the sign would say 'stability'. Throughout my life I have always had to change to become the identity of what I would perceive another would see me as. Wandering past any danger of risk I would dance before you with complete abandon. I could laugh and joke and bring attention to this pretty girl. There was power in that as I could grasp ahold of your attention and hold you captive for a time. In all of these attempts to orchestrate the vision of a happy girl I was lost inside. I only wanted to be loved without being hurt. I only wanted to be loved without being abandoned.
A turn about would enter at times where I would stagger through my days without any direction or desire to remediate any situation. Tossed violently at times and without respect through chasms of darkness. There was not any rhyme or reason to my life as any attempt I had to control would be shattered with the reality of an uncontrolled world around me and would shatter the frenetic pace to maintain identity.
I finally found the No Trespassing sign; My God and my Savior, Jesus Christ. He has walked me down a path which has taken many years and showed me the sign. I didn't understand it when I saw it as there was nothing instilled in me that would cause me to understand a boundary. The sign was just that, a piece of wood with writing on it. What was the strength behind it that would cause another to disregard the sign, walk past it and to trespass upon my being? God showed me the Power, The Holy Spirit. For when the Spirit of God came upon me I received the power to stop the trespassers.
How could it be that it took me so long in my life to find that place of personal protection? To say no when I need to without a casting shadow of doubt. As I walk in this new found freedom I experience relief and finally feel free. No longer tethered by the cord that is supposed to bind but continually brought distress as a strangled self hung lifeless with no identity. Now I am tethered by a chord of three strands, The Father, The Son and The Holy Spirit - the three in one. There, my friend, is my respite.
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